And they say Cobain killed himself. Certainly the evidence seems to tie into this claim; he was overly intoxicated, he hated what had become of his life and his music, he was against idol worshipping: an unavoidable outcome of being a legend, he shot himself in the mouth with a handgun. After all didn't he warn us about this through his music.... But consciously that is not what an avid fan would want to believe. Maybe there is more to it than meets the eye? Maybe he was murdered? And so claim the myriads of articles and websites and blogs disparaging Courtney Love and casting the blame on her shoulders. But does it really matter anymore? We all agree on one fact: he was a troubled prodigy. He gave us punk rock, he gave us the anthem of a generation, he gave us heart rending tunes, he gave us a passion. To some he opened an avenue to channel emotions in from anger to love, others he inspired from his journey from Aberdeen to the Billboard Top 100. To me he made me understand the pain he felt through his voice....
Having just read a collection of his JOURNALS, despite reading a commentary that I couldn't agree with more..."...and if Kurt were alive, this is the exact commercialization of emotions that he was against..." How true that claim is! To admittedly be a fan and to pry into his private life seems contradictory but I confess I just wanted to know more about the person encapsulated within his tormented soul. How would that make a difference, I dont know. Maybe getting an insight into the real Kurt makes fans like me feel a deeper connection with him or perhaps its merely to curb the insatiable hunger for extra information - an attitude that has become a stigma of our society today.
Kurdt hated rapists. Kurdt hated the KKK. Kurdt was anti corporations. Kurdt wanted to be a sincere artist. Kurdt suffered from a chronic GI condition. Kurdt was hooked on heroine. But perhaps the most significant trait to me is - Kurdt was a compassionate writer/lyricist/poet. He had an immaculate command of the language. He penned thoughts in such an abstract yet coherent manner. He had a sense of humor, he was troubled, he didn't trust the world as it was filled with fakers, he hated rock journalists.....
Reading a journal is no way comparable to a book. Uninformed are those who compare this read to that of a work of fiction. Rather this is an act of delving into another's mind and soul. Being one who gets personally affected after watching a provoking documentary, a true story inspired film, reading biographies, listening to heart felt lyrics or reflecting on poetry; I was deeply affected by this intimate collection of stories, letters, cartoon quips and lyrics that were jotted down by Kurt himself.
"Punk rock = freedom"
Sadly the founder or Nirvana himself never attained detachment or fulfillment or freedom.
Confounded by the perplexities of the music world - punk rock had been branded "alternative music" by then to increase its popularity - he thrived to alter negative images of him and his band portayed in megazines through these personal rantings. He had lost his passion. He was in indescribable pain. He branded himself a loser. Heroine controlled his life. He wanted to die and he did...
Remembering "Boddah" his childhood imaginary friend, we can't help but wonder what exactly he did, or was done to him. May his soul rest in peace, with our love and empathy.
